Lyrics from Starling's Song
from the "Motherland" CD


“Branwen, Branwen, I hear your Starling’s Song

Branwen, Branwen, I hear your Starling’s Song

A heart filled with honor, a heart filled with grace,

Will see only love and the beauty within your face

Shines like a light, bearing seeds in the mind

Of the fruits that were born from the tears that you left behind.
​

The song “Ode to Cerridwen” was created out of sheer vulnerability.  Looking back now, this chant holds a special place in my heart.  It serves as a constant memory of the mark that this beautiful Goddess has left upon me after encountering Her on that “Black Moon” evening in January 2014.   Unlike the “Blue Moon” that is the second full moon within one month, the “Black Moon” is when there is a second dark moon within one month. I had recently lost my mother and following her death was dealing with many unresolved conflicts.  Then on top of that, an important project had fallen through, and I had a terrible falling out with a dear friend that stirred up many of the same issues I had with my mother. I was not permitted to confront or resolve those issues either. As a result,  I was left feeling emotionally abandoned and manipulated, betrayed, exploited and utterly frustrated.  A space that I held so sacred felt completely violated.  So between dealing with these personal conflicts, it being mid-winter, and feeling somewhat vulnerable and emotionally raw on this Black Moon night, it was like the perfect storm, or at least the perfect conditions for creating the perfect storm within.  All I can say is…that it was dark, very dark…….but my soul was ripe and hungry for light, for answers, for wisdom and for change. It was time to change the pattern, get out of destructive relationships, and regain my inner strength and power which I more often than not gave away too easily. 

I called out to the Goddess that evening and began to sing whatever came out uncensored, and that was when the chant “Ode to Cerridwen” was written. After singing it several times I felt a wave of comfort and the genuine feeling that everything was going to be OK.  It was as if my perceptions shifted both towards my beliefs about Her as well as the situations I was dealing with.  She was in that moment both the destroyer and the liberator. 

So then who is Cerridwen?  Is She a witchy hag that stands over a bubbling slimy green cauldron, cooking body parts, casting an evil spell upon us.  Is it She that stirs those ghostly waters that dwell within us, awakening our slumbering shadow, revealing those unwelcomed demons which arise out of that murky swamp, seeking only to devour us.  Maybe, but does that necessarily mean that She is evil and a Goddess to be feared?  Since that night, for me Cerridwen has become a most beautiful Goddess, a White Goddess, a Goddess of light, and one that I run to and not away from in times of distress.  She is the transformer.  She holds the energy of inspiration and the seeds of creative expression.  She is the one that removes the veils that shroud our light and our power. 

To give a brief account of Her legend within the Welsh literature, Cerridwen seeks to give her ugly son Affagdu wisdom so that he may be respected in the world despite his ugliness.  She gains the secret of creating the Awen (in the Welsh traditions symbolizes the personification of inspiration and is often referred to as the flowing creative spirit) and was able to concoct a formula that was to brew in her cauldron for a year a day.  Gwion, a young innocent boy was asked to tend to the cauldron for the allotted time but was told he must never taste the brew or he would be destroyed.  Unfortunately, the brew bubbled over on the last day when it splashed on his thumb, and like anyone would probably do, he put the thumb to his lips. Gwion had inadvertently tasted the Awen.  Cerridwen was completely enraged and began chasing him. Gwion was horrified, and it thus forced him to shape shift into a hare, a salmon, a wren and finally into a grain of wheat.  Cerridwen was a masterful shape shifter and changed into a greyhound chasing the hare, then into an otter chasing the salmon, then into a hawk chasing the wren, and finally changed into a great Mother hen who ate the grain of wheat.  It was through Gwion entering into the womb of Cerridwen that ultimately led to his rebirth when he became known as Taliesin, the Greatest Bard that ever lived.  

What does this story teach us about our own lives?  The chase between Gwion and Cerridwen reveals both our potential and necessity to continually transform and shapeshift.  Life is about adaptability, change, the willingness to fight, survive and surrender.  It is knowing when to take action and when to let go.  Yet in the end just as the great Bard Taliesin was born from Cerridwen’s womb, we too are reborn and continually evolve in a never-ending process of transformation.  Sometimes we may come out feeling stronger and wiser while our characters become more refined, allowing us to see with greater clarity from an entirely new perspective.  Yet at other times we may come out of it confused, bitter, hardened, angry, fearful and beaten, feeling lost and disoriented towards the direction our life is taking.  Either way, we have to know that transformation is continuous.  It’s not like one day we just wake up and we’re “done”.  Sometimes we will be at the bottom of a cycle on our way up, or at the top heading on the way down.  We are all on the same circle of life just at different points.  So what may be an overall moral or lesson the lies within Cerridwen’s legend.  The result of the chase was the birth of Taliesin; the greatest bard (his name means “Shining Brow”).  We may not all be aspiring to be the greatest poets or musicians or dancers or artists, but we all aspire to be something, somewhere, to someone.  That is a common goal that we all share regardless of where we currently reside on this never ending circle of transformation.  I believe it is important to honor each other, wherever we are on our paths, for we all may have been there in the past, are currently there now, or perhaps may be there in the future.  

To conclude, here are a few short insights that I received through my communion with Cerridwen.  There are many more lessons yet to be uncovered, but Her words are gentle reminders to remain opened to Her blessings and gifts in whatever ways that they may manifest.  ​

​​September arrives as we continue to enjoy the warmth of the sun and the abundance that summer brings, yet there is a small underlying shift that brings with it a feeling of return.  It begins to get dark earlier, kids go back to school, and there is even an obvious change in the traffic patterns due to the various shifting lifestyles.  What are we returning to?  Is it a return to ourselves, or a return to the roles that we play in our lives? It’s as if the summer is a time to take off our cloaks of identity and relax for a while, basking in the light of reprieve, but then as summer closes there’s that gentle or often harsh tug back into “reality”.

It was two years ago today that I embarked upon a quest that was to last for a year.  Not wanting to put on that familiar cloak anymore, I chose to slowly make the descent back into the depths searching for those forgotten aspects of myself that needed to be re-discovered and re-defined.  

The archetypes and ancient Goddesses of Avalon resonate with me deeply and they have always held a sense of familiarity that brings an unexplained comfort to my soul. Being immersed within the Holy Landscapes and Sacred Legends of the Celts somehow create a reliable inner source of stability for me, particularly in times of change.   So I began the journey into Descent, turning inwards and entering into the arms of Rhiannon.

I believe that music has the power to contain the memories of our experiences better than any other.  So in an effort to create a "spiritual photograph" for each leg of the journey, I wrote a song dedicated to each of the Goddesses that would be part of this transforming experience throughout the coming year.  It is Rhiannon that marked the beginning of this Quest, and feeling accompanied and supported by all of Nature, I retracted back into Her womb.  It is during this time that I wrote Lady Faire which was intended to both honor Her as well as capture the lesson She was holding for me during that time.  

There are so many reliable sources that depict Her legend quite beautifully, but here is a very small excerpt from the first part of her story since it was the inspiration for the song “Lady Faire" and the part that was really speaking to me at that time.  

 " In the first branch of the Mabinogi, Pwyll first encounters the beautiful Goddess Rhiannon on the mound of Arberth.  She is riding a beautiful pure white horse, wearing shining golden garments.  As Pwyll continues to pursue her, she quietly continues riding remaining just out of reach.  At whatever pace he rode, he could not overtake her and this continued for three days. On the third day, finally in despair he asked Rhiannon to stop and she did gladly”.

What lesson is contained within this short excerpt of Her story.   The old adage “If you don’t ask the answer is always NO” comes to mind.  How often do we ask for what we need or do we even know what that is?  The word “need” often holds negative implications, for we may believe that it suggests some hidden vulnerability often accompanied with feelings of shame, making us feel weak and somehow less of a person because of it.  So we hold our head high, think positive and continue to prove to ourselves and to the world that we are doing just fine.  Very often that works and I do believe very strongly in the power of positive thinking, yet there are times in life when things just break down.  Out of utter frustration, helplessness or despair what often emerges is that quest for wholeness and change.  Perhaps it is that moment in between the light and the dark when we discover what we truly need.  Ironically what we first defined as a weakness becomes a tremendous source of strength which aids in propelling us right out of our comfort zone and begins the process of transformation.  Perhaps Rhiannon is telling us that we should pursue our heart’s desire, but if we are not getting it, we must wonder to ourselves “Did we ever ask?”

​What’s in a Name?

Well to start, just like a body we all have one.  We were given one at birth and it becomes the storehouse of all our conditioning, memories, expectations, values, beliefs, disappointments, victories and pretty much our entire life experiences.  We live our life and try to “make a name for ourselves.”  Yet what happens when we no longer want to be locked into that psychological container of who we’ve become, often feeling trapped into remaining as others see us or even as we see ourselves.  How can we take control of this powerful force of personal fixation and transcend that which we’ve become?

Upon getting married, I felt a bit reluctant in taking my husband’s name feeling that I had to let go of that identity which carried my history and all that I had become.  Yet, in the end, I decided to follow convention and thus became Lori Schneider.  I was always into Numerology and believed that names hold a vibration, so after performing all the necessary calculations, I was going from a 9 vibration to a 4.  Although for many, numerology like astrology can be viewed with skepticism, I do believe that names carry a vibration and on some level there are subtle changes that occur when our name changes.   So for many years lived happily with my husband as Lori Schneider and even today still bear the name proudly. 

Yet after beginning to come out of my creative block  and having made the decision to become an active musician again, there was this nagging internal impulse to want to start anew. That's when I actively started searching for an alternate name.  I went through the names of Welsh Goddesses, historic figures, and even tried to find phonetically pleasing names.  After much deliberation, the name Scarlett Rose came to me and then started to introduce myself as Scarlett to strangers just to test the waters. One day I was in Starbucks, and they often ask for your name and call you when your coffee is ready.  Well.....I told them my name was “Scarlett” and then when they called my name out loud, it felt so very weird, and it was then that I thought, no.... this is all wrong.  The name sounded pretty and all that but it wasn’t authentic.  It wasn’t me at all.  So I scratched the name Scarlett Rose and continued searching.  Then one day at a family gathering the subject came up when my father said…."why don’t you just use your middle name, (which is Lynn)."  In fact he reminded me that he and my Mom had the name “Lori Lynn” inscribed on my first guitar at age 7.  Oh yeah…..In the moment it sounded like a good idea but then quickly discarded the idea thinking it all felt too ordinary.  Then ironically the next day a friend of mine had sent me a picture that she so skillfully imposed upon the background of Llyn Tegid.  When she sent me the picture, the file name was LoriLlynTegid.jpg.  Upon seeing that, it was in that moment that I felt my name was actually given to me in this roundabout kind of way.  Yes, I could still be Lori Lynn but just the spelling would need to change.  Llyn Tegid is Cerridwen’s lake located in Wales and being the Goddess of Transformation as well as the patron Goddess to the Bards,  it all felt symbolically meaningful.  Plus it was still my real name and captured the energy of one of my first musical experiences and one of the earliest purest memories of my love for music.  So that was it….I decided to become Lori Llyn representing a new chapter of my life and a symbol of musical regeneration.  The other interesting thing was this alternate spelling held the 9 vibration which was a return to the same number as my birth name. 

So what is in a name?  It’s a vibration charged with the energy of our life experiences becoming fixated in time and space.  Here are a few questions to ponder.  If you ever had the urge to re-invent yourself and create your own identity, what name would you choose? Would it be based on something or someone from the past, would it be after someone your admire, perhaps a mythological or religious figure, a name that just phonetically sounds pleasing or maybe just a word, symbol or object that has a personal meaning to you.  Who would that person be? Would you tell the world or let it remain your own secret name?  In the end I believe that we all have that superhero (heroine) that lurks inside of us just waiting to be adorned with our own individual cloak of invincibility and empowerment that enables us to be the person we’ve always wanted to be.   

Psst.......  Numerology is a vast subject but if you want to have some fun…here is a site where you can calculate your name and see if you agree with the personality traits it describes.  Numerology Calculator.)

My intention of starting this blog was to create a doorway to reveal those hidden subjective truths that lie buried deep within and to begin to open up to the world and possibly connect more with those who may also feel and resonate with these experiences.  I've always been quite a private person and years ago would never have dreamed of putting  my most private musings out there. 

After recently coming out of a long creative block, receiving the inspiration for "Motherland"  all seemed somewhat surreal and yet extremely rejuvenating.  Sometimes when we are at a low point  in our life, we never think we will rise again, but then something magical happens,  some may call it a miracle, some call it grace, some call it luck, a shift of karma, etc. Nevertheless, change is always inevitable and both the low points as well as the high points in our lives should be honored and shared for ultimately we are all in this together.  Although each of our journeys manifest differently through our own passions, relationships, and choices,,,,underneath we are all feeling and wanting the same things and hopefully we can all learn from each other.  

So anyhow, I thought this would be a good place to start and share my journey through the entire process of writing and creating the album "Motherland".  Everything from those dark moments that are experienced by an artist in a creative block, to changing my name, to the inspiration for each of the songs on the CD as well as the spiritual journey that accompanied each one.  

Additionally,  I will be posting questions and food for thought that were often the seeds that prompted the inspiration for each of the tracks on the album.  In sharing some of my personal spiritual work, if you feel inspired to share your own personal views and/or experiences or provide a comment, the interaction would be most welcomed!  ​